Wednesday, 30 January 2013


Nirvana was one of the greatest rock bands of the 80s. I am not a huge fan. But who doesn't like a few of their songs. I guess I never became a fan because I really never could understand what Kurt Cobain was trying to convey. Yes, of course, his enunciation was terrible. But the complex issues that he tried merging into one song was what I could never break down. Random phrases like "mosquito", "albino" in "smells like teen spirit" still don't entirely make sense to me. Well it might not have been just random phrases to Cobain. It might have been his way of conceptualising the deranged world that he and all of us tried and are trying to live in.

I admire him for trying. A man in his 20s who tried to fight; A man who mustered support from masses aka "Y generation"; A man who was idolised. The reason behind his suicide is still unclear. But one reason is that the pressure got to him. The pressure of being an idol; of being the leader of the Y generation; a hero of the rock world. All that pressure and the want to unravel the complexities of life itself, might have been too much for him to handle.

We all have had our share of complex situations. The kind that make you want to pull your hair out and shout out so loudly that people miles away from you should know of your troubles. They happen more often than we'd like them to occur. Sometimes a simple task which should be overcome without any hassle, turn into a mess. It could be as simple as brushing your teeth in the morning. You could run out of tooth paste. And what should take usually five minutes turns into ten minutes. The extra five goes into salvaging what is left in the tube. Maybe you could manage to squeeze some out using both your hands, but by the time you get your tooth brush near the tube's end, the roll of paste just crawled back in. Complexity is annoying, especially when it occurs in little petty things. But those cases are overcome easily.

Well, that's not the case when complexity hits the big stuff. When that happens, at times it becomes hard to comprehend the situation. We then stand immobalised, not knowing what to do next. If we panic, we will trip over. The only option is to take a step back, consider everything and take it from there. If you are successful, then its a lesson learnt. Not only do you get to know the mistake you made, you will also get to know how to tackle the problem if it ever happens again. But if you fail, then you can't do anything but see your pawns topple over. The most you can do is minimise the injuries. But even then, if you learn from your mistake, then you haven't lost out entirely.

Complexity isn't always healthy. Its like poison. In tiny doses, it makes us stronger. But in large doses its fatal. Much like what might have happened to Cobain. If we take the right measures, we can avoid it. But if it still manages to slip through and create chaos, that isn't the worst case scenario. The worst case is when you are unable to defeat it. So, the least you can do, is fight! Don't succumb to it. Give it your best shot! Cobain tried. And I admire him for that.

Friday, 18 January 2013


I've had a pretty lazy day today. Got up late didn't do anything apart from the usual. In the evening, I sat on my bean bag, jumping from one website to another aimlessly on my laptop, with my itunes running through songs in the background. But it wasn't till I heard Led Zep's "Tangerine" playing that I noticed the being curled up next to my feet. It was my dog Bubbly. She had pretty much drifted off in a sound sleep, almost exactly how "Tangerine" can capsulate you and transport you to summer's eve by a lagoon.

As the song went into its chorus I focused on her breathing. They were deep and slow breaths. I understood then, that she was so comfortable sleeping beside my feet. I didn't want to disturb her sleep. She was so happy and pleasant. It was as if in her mind nothing existed apart from me and that my presence was the most ultimate aspect for her.

I started thinking about our time together and it dawned upon me that she is such a beautiful creature. She has never asked for anything beyond the necessities. Obviously she can't ask verbally. If that were the case, then I'd be stinking rich by now. She gives these looks which convey what she wants. The "I'm dying" look usually means I'm hungry. When she goes near the door, it means she wants to go for a walk and empty her tank. When jumps around, it means she justs wants to play and try ripping my limbs off. Haha! Just kidding, she plays by the rules and my limbs are very much intact just like the way I like them. But as she laid there, I knew that all she wanted was my company.

I couldn't help but smile. I was so tempted to wake her up and give her a hug. But I resisted it. My mother has told me stories about when I was a baby. During her maternal leave, she'd watch me sleep and resisted the want to wake me and play with me, much like how I felt with Bubbly. I do realise that I compared myself to a dog. But, what can I say, Bubbly is the only being I've watched grow up and loved through each and every moment.

Bubbly in our yard
Of course she's awake now, running around the house scrounging for food with her "i'm dying" look. And I write this post thinking about the moment we shared during that song. Its hilarious I share a bond like this with a dog. I write this singing the song in my head. The lyrics make a lot more sense to me now than it ever did. The song is about a man reminiscing his times with the woman he loved. I laugh because I'm relating myself to the lyrics because of how I feel with a canine. But, like I said, I love that dog.

Makes you think, doesn't it? I don't blame you if you think I'm a crazy person. Heck, I feel like that about myself sometimes. Doesn't everyone get thought that they crazy once in a while? Apart from you the probable heebie jeebies I do hope, I made you think about 'Company'. When you have the right company, nothing else matters apart from those people. It could be friends, family or even your pets. Anyone can become a part of your comfort zone, if you allow it. So go on! Get out there and be with the people you love. I on the other am off to play with Bubbly.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Space out!

The idea of "nothing" is so bizarre. But yet at most times when I've been asked what I was up to, thats the answer I gave, nothing. Usually that means I wasn't interested in giving them an answer regarding what I was doing or I was doing something of no significance at all. But there are times when I was doing exactly nothing.

The past couple of weeks I've been busy with exams. But whenever I got down to write anything, I could not think of anything to write about. I was surprised. I have so many thoughts that run through my head every single day. But when I tried pinning down some of those thoughts, all that came to my mind was "Nothing". So that is what I finally thought of writing about...nothing. Sounds funny, doesn't it?

Its happens many times. It could be anywhere. You could be sipping a cup of coffee or eating or in the middle of something important. All of a sudden you realise that you had stopped doing whatever you were doing for a few seconds. Then it comes to your understanding that you have no idea regarding what you were doing during those few seconds. In other words, you were doing nothing, absolutely Nothing!

I love those moments. It might be hard to understand what I mean. You might be thinking that how is doing nothing a good thing? Well, of course, its not something you ought to do often. If that were the case then our lives would utterly boring.

Those moments of void, if I may call them so, happen unintentionally. May be I can explain how I feel regarding this by taking a few examples. Its like the gulp of water at the end of the race. At that instant all you think about is the water running down your throat. I could even compare to the how you feel when you slip into your blanket on a very cold day. Once you are finally under your blanket, the only thought that runs through your mind is how warm and comfortable your blanket is and nothing else. Those moments of void are exactly like that. Your mind won't be racing against time to come up with answers, your body be moving and exhausting you, your mouth won't be blabbering out pointless words. When you space out, things are calm.

When I space out, I understand the meaning of serenity! I feel as if there is caribbean song in the background and all I can feel underneath my feet is the heat of the sand at the beach. This might sound weird, but after I space out, I feel like speaking the way people of the 80s used to, using words like "groovy", "funky", "mamma". I find it hilarious when I think about it. But its true. May be thats how people of that time period felt when they spoke like that.

So I look forward to the next time I space out. Till then peace out!